We have been spending some time with our Sri-Lankan family here. We are smack dab in the middle of their ages and their kids' ages, so we spend time with their kids too, as the connecting link between generations. We have big family style meals, with other interesting friends over, and stay up way too late on Sunday nights enjoying each others' company and laughter. Something I miss when family is not around, and it is definitely fulfilling that.
Last night, we had another amazing Sri Lankan meal. It was this mixture of shredded coconut and buckwheat or rice flour, steamed in a long cylindrical steamer, native to Sri Lanka. Then they make different spiced side dishes of curries and veggies and fish and eggs in coconut milk. All this, you eat with your bare hands!
It is so fun and liberating to eat with your hands! The kids love it, and I especially love it for them since Rogan is the messiest eater with a utensil at the age of 4 that I have ever seen. He is a natural at hand eating. Yes, there is an art to hand-eating as well as fork using. You have to eat mushy, crumbly, liquidy food, so you have to acquire some skill at it. It doesn't take long though.
Today for lunch we had some of the leftover coconut/ flour concoction, so I made a few dishes to go along with it, and we ate with our hands at home. It was even more fun for the kids I think, to be in their own environment eating that way.
We will definitely be doing this style of eating more often at home!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Cycling through to acceptance
I have been analyzing my own behavior again, and I have learned something about myself in the process, how I cycle through an issue to come full circle to acceptance.
This is my process:
First I am in shock, then disgust and maybe a little rage, I go through disgust and anger a few times until I jump on a new cycle. The next stage is typically general annoyance, then trying to see something from the other side or the other person's perspective. I then disagree with a greater understanding, and begin to come to terms with the issue at hand. Finally, after I have gone through these cycles a while, I come back to love and acceptance.
You may catch me at any one of these stages on something. I am sorry if you catch me at a beginning stage, sometimes it can be ugly if you are around. I will eventually come back to acceptance of differences, but not the cop out "agree to disagree" it just lights my fire again. I have to cycle back through usually. The best friends I have will go through this process and see the other side as well, not just give it up in the beginning, and not even peek at the other side of an issue. That is what infuriates me about dogmatic religions and social norms. When someone challenges my beliefs, I listen to the other side, and process again to gain new awareness. I don't want or need everyone to agree with me, I want and need friends who will have diplomatic discussions, and not give up on me when we disagree on something, but examine the issue with me.
As my good friend Dan says, "For those who demand excellence"
Signing off.
This is my process:
First I am in shock, then disgust and maybe a little rage, I go through disgust and anger a few times until I jump on a new cycle. The next stage is typically general annoyance, then trying to see something from the other side or the other person's perspective. I then disagree with a greater understanding, and begin to come to terms with the issue at hand. Finally, after I have gone through these cycles a while, I come back to love and acceptance.
You may catch me at any one of these stages on something. I am sorry if you catch me at a beginning stage, sometimes it can be ugly if you are around. I will eventually come back to acceptance of differences, but not the cop out "agree to disagree" it just lights my fire again. I have to cycle back through usually. The best friends I have will go through this process and see the other side as well, not just give it up in the beginning, and not even peek at the other side of an issue. That is what infuriates me about dogmatic religions and social norms. When someone challenges my beliefs, I listen to the other side, and process again to gain new awareness. I don't want or need everyone to agree with me, I want and need friends who will have diplomatic discussions, and not give up on me when we disagree on something, but examine the issue with me.
As my good friend Dan says, "For those who demand excellence"
Signing off.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Raising Sensitive Children
Today I caught Laila sitting and looking out the window and crying. I asked her what the problem was, and if she was hurt or someone had upset her. She just kept shaking her head "no" and wouldn't tell me. I asked her to go and draw what she was upset about, and she finally did.
She came back to me holding a picture of her, looking at the trees and crying.
I asked her what was so upsetting about trees. It took a lot more encouragement, but finally she whispered that she was upset that we burnt them.
My poor little sensitive girl. Raising her vegetarian has taught them to be sensitive to the world around them. I remember a day back in Spring when we passed by a chicken truck on its way to a slaughterhouse, and she started bawling. We had never told her where those chickens were going, but she knew very well what they were there for. She said through her sobs, "Mommy! Those Chickens, people will kill them and chew them in their mouths! Why, Mommy?! Why?!!" Then she kept on listing all the farm animals that people chew in their mouths, and how she wanted to save them all and make them her pets, and that it wasn't fair, she wished she had a pet cow and chicken and pig! It was all so very sad, and I started getting a little teary-eyed, but trying my best to cover it up and make excuses for why people do that, and why we used to. Definitely no rationalizing with her in favor of eating animals, even though I tried my darndest!
I think I was able to assuage her dilemma with burning firewood a little. Telling her that the trees were already dead, and they would just rot, but they gave their bodies so we could be warm. It is kind of funny that this is the first it has come up as we have had a lot of fires and campfires, and she always enjoys them.
I am glad she is sensitive in this way though, I don't think she will forget that and will remain a vegetarian throughout her life. Maybe she will be into the slow food society or into sustainable living or an animal activist. It is awesome to see our future in our children and how they will positively affect the world around them, and do now.
She came back to me holding a picture of her, looking at the trees and crying.
I asked her what was so upsetting about trees. It took a lot more encouragement, but finally she whispered that she was upset that we burnt them.
My poor little sensitive girl. Raising her vegetarian has taught them to be sensitive to the world around them. I remember a day back in Spring when we passed by a chicken truck on its way to a slaughterhouse, and she started bawling. We had never told her where those chickens were going, but she knew very well what they were there for. She said through her sobs, "Mommy! Those Chickens, people will kill them and chew them in their mouths! Why, Mommy?! Why?!!" Then she kept on listing all the farm animals that people chew in their mouths, and how she wanted to save them all and make them her pets, and that it wasn't fair, she wished she had a pet cow and chicken and pig! It was all so very sad, and I started getting a little teary-eyed, but trying my best to cover it up and make excuses for why people do that, and why we used to. Definitely no rationalizing with her in favor of eating animals, even though I tried my darndest!
I think I was able to assuage her dilemma with burning firewood a little. Telling her that the trees were already dead, and they would just rot, but they gave their bodies so we could be warm. It is kind of funny that this is the first it has come up as we have had a lot of fires and campfires, and she always enjoys them.
I am glad she is sensitive in this way though, I don't think she will forget that and will remain a vegetarian throughout her life. Maybe she will be into the slow food society or into sustainable living or an animal activist. It is awesome to see our future in our children and how they will positively affect the world around them, and do now.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Laila's Troubles
The other day I took Laila to her second Girlscout meeting. She was soooo excited to go, and kept changing her clothes all day trying to find the best outfit. She could hardly wait until 2:30.
When we got there, she did her cling-on-to-Mommy thing she always does in a crowd. We sat down on the carpet together and watched the other girls play rambunctiously on the floor. Then it was time to go outside and play on the playground for a bit while we waited for Laila's turn to be traced on a big piece of paper. She wouldn't play. Just watched from the sides whispering to me. So, I took her back inside to wait her turn for the tracing instead.
We had waited for the majority of girls to get traced, then make their way out into the hallway to color their self-portraits. I had Laila lay down on a piece of paper, and started tracing her. When I got to her ear, I accidentally pulled her hair with the pencil, and then it happened....tears started welling up in her eyes, and a little girl was standing there waiting her turn, but not watching, Laila freaked out. She jumped up into my arms, buried her head, and started sobbing uncontrollably. We sat there on the floor for about 10 minutes like this. She just kept whispering to me, "Mommy, take me home. I want to go home. I don't want to be here. Please, Mommy."
She is so debilitated by her shyness sometimes. It is really quite sad. It brought tears to my eyes even.
Since she was about 2, we have been trying to get her involved in groups to help her not be so shy around other kids. We started taking her to a UU fellowship when we lived in Michigan so she could be around other kids in the classes. She did okay sometimes there, but sometimes not. When we moved to Greenville, we did the same thing, going right away to the fellowship here. However, the teachers at the time, would not let me stay in the room for even one class, and she wouldn't go alone. So, we gave it up for a little while, until they sort of changed that rule. Then we went back, and she went for a while. She was okay and even enjoying it until one day in class, one of her friends, an older girl named Lilly did something mean to her (I could never figure out what, but I think it involved playing favorites with someone else), and she flat-out refused to go back. We tried for weeks and weeks to no avail to get her to go back in. Even when Lilly moved away, she still refused. So, we stopped going.
The homeschool group is fine, as they just play one-on-one mostly on the playground together. However, this Girlscout thing is not working out so well for her yet.
I really hope she can break out of her shell. I don't want to push her though and make it worse. I really am glad that I homeschool because forcing her into assimilating at school would be heart-breaking for both of us I think. I will keep trying with the Girlscouts for now.
When we got there, she did her cling-on-to-Mommy thing she always does in a crowd. We sat down on the carpet together and watched the other girls play rambunctiously on the floor. Then it was time to go outside and play on the playground for a bit while we waited for Laila's turn to be traced on a big piece of paper. She wouldn't play. Just watched from the sides whispering to me. So, I took her back inside to wait her turn for the tracing instead.
We had waited for the majority of girls to get traced, then make their way out into the hallway to color their self-portraits. I had Laila lay down on a piece of paper, and started tracing her. When I got to her ear, I accidentally pulled her hair with the pencil, and then it happened....tears started welling up in her eyes, and a little girl was standing there waiting her turn, but not watching, Laila freaked out. She jumped up into my arms, buried her head, and started sobbing uncontrollably. We sat there on the floor for about 10 minutes like this. She just kept whispering to me, "Mommy, take me home. I want to go home. I don't want to be here. Please, Mommy."
She is so debilitated by her shyness sometimes. It is really quite sad. It brought tears to my eyes even.
Since she was about 2, we have been trying to get her involved in groups to help her not be so shy around other kids. We started taking her to a UU fellowship when we lived in Michigan so she could be around other kids in the classes. She did okay sometimes there, but sometimes not. When we moved to Greenville, we did the same thing, going right away to the fellowship here. However, the teachers at the time, would not let me stay in the room for even one class, and she wouldn't go alone. So, we gave it up for a little while, until they sort of changed that rule. Then we went back, and she went for a while. She was okay and even enjoying it until one day in class, one of her friends, an older girl named Lilly did something mean to her (I could never figure out what, but I think it involved playing favorites with someone else), and she flat-out refused to go back. We tried for weeks and weeks to no avail to get her to go back in. Even when Lilly moved away, she still refused. So, we stopped going.
The homeschool group is fine, as they just play one-on-one mostly on the playground together. However, this Girlscout thing is not working out so well for her yet.
I really hope she can break out of her shell. I don't want to push her though and make it worse. I really am glad that I homeschool because forcing her into assimilating at school would be heart-breaking for both of us I think. I will keep trying with the Girlscouts for now.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
And one more thing I "Learned"
This goes along with the last post.
The other thing books and movies constantly remind me:
How very much I love and completely adore my husband.....
The other thing books and movies constantly remind me:
How very much I love and completely adore my husband.....
Dreaming
Sometimes it takes a movie or a great book to re-awaken the spirit that is hiding in our day to day life.
After watching a great movie tonight, I was wanting more. It happens often when I watch one that I really vibe with, or a book I don't want to end. I go onto the deleted scenes, and the behind the scenes, or in books, the prologue, epilogue, and sometimes back to the intro I skipped being impatient and wanting to dive right into what I know will be a great read. Tonight, I wasn't disappointed and unfulfilled with this desire for a little bit more.
In the behind the scenes, the actors/actresses are summing up what they thought the movie was about for them. This is in my words, what they said.
When we are young, we have dreams of being princes and princesses. Somewhere along the way, we tell ourselves, we can't, we aren't good enough, it could never happen, and so we falter. We fall short of what our dreams are more often than not. This shouldn't happen. Go for what you want in life, JUST GO FOR IT!!!! Even if you do fall short, at least you gave it your best shot, and you may have learned a thing or two along the way.
After watching a great movie tonight, I was wanting more. It happens often when I watch one that I really vibe with, or a book I don't want to end. I go onto the deleted scenes, and the behind the scenes, or in books, the prologue, epilogue, and sometimes back to the intro I skipped being impatient and wanting to dive right into what I know will be a great read. Tonight, I wasn't disappointed and unfulfilled with this desire for a little bit more.
In the behind the scenes, the actors/actresses are summing up what they thought the movie was about for them. This is in my words, what they said.
When we are young, we have dreams of being princes and princesses. Somewhere along the way, we tell ourselves, we can't, we aren't good enough, it could never happen, and so we falter. We fall short of what our dreams are more often than not. This shouldn't happen. Go for what you want in life, JUST GO FOR IT!!!! Even if you do fall short, at least you gave it your best shot, and you may have learned a thing or two along the way.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Kids
Our kids are so amazing. I am so happy to be a Mom to all three of them. It makes life complete and full.
We had a great day yesterday at our friend's birthday party. The kids played in the beautiful fall weather (it was 74 and sunny!), running around the playground, making "magical creature" t-shirts, building fairy houses, and playing "fairy ball" with their friends. The food was great (thanks Lisa and Mike), and the company was great. The kids were soooo good the whole time, even without naps!
Later we went back to Mike and Lisa's house to relax a bit before our drive back to Greenville from Athens, GA. The kids played well together, even Grant and his little friend, Lucy. The babies were adorable interacting together. Grant kept handing her things, and at one point, he accidentally hurt her head, she burst into tears, and grabbed onto him, laying her little head on his shoulder hugging him, while he hugged her back and patted her back. It was one of the cutest moments I have ever seen! They even kissed and hugged good-bye, too cute!
We were off to a great start back home, for the almost 2 hour drive. Then....we had to stop for gas, and the shit hit the fan! The three of them had fallen asleep within a mile of our leaving. Doug decided to go outside the city a little ways, and before we hit the free-way he stopped for gas. BIG MISTAKE! The bright lights and stopping motion woke Grant up, who screamed and cried, then Rogan woke up from Grant crying and started crying uncontrollably, then Laila was next in line, who woke up and started screaming that they were "ANNOYING ME!" It was a symphony of screams. When we got back on the road, Grant kept screaming for the song "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles, and we had to play it for him to calm him. It worked, temporarily, until the song ended, then he screamed for it again, all the while the other two are sobbing. We played the song again, then again, then Rogan started screaming about that. He had enough, and we had too, but Grant would cry and scream when it ended. We kept telling Rogan to just wait, he is almost asleep, and then we will stop the song, but he wouldn't have it, he kept crying and screaming in protest. Laila would occasionally join in. We had to put an end to the song. Instead I had to hold Grant's hand (while my shoulder and arm went to sleep) until he fell asleep. Finally, about 30 miles away from home, the crying ceased and they were all asleep. I mean, it only lasted like an hour! And we think we are going to drive 12 hours up to Michigan at Christmas without pain? HA!!! Definitely gotta get some ear plugs!
But, despite these incidents, I love them fiercely. They are such good kids really, and are so loving. I enjoy my days here with them, even if I do get a little frazzled at times. We have a lot of fun together, and we learn a great deal from each other every day. I wouldn't miss these precious moments with them for the world, even though it is a lot of work.
We had a great day yesterday at our friend's birthday party. The kids played in the beautiful fall weather (it was 74 and sunny!), running around the playground, making "magical creature" t-shirts, building fairy houses, and playing "fairy ball" with their friends. The food was great (thanks Lisa and Mike), and the company was great. The kids were soooo good the whole time, even without naps!
Later we went back to Mike and Lisa's house to relax a bit before our drive back to Greenville from Athens, GA. The kids played well together, even Grant and his little friend, Lucy. The babies were adorable interacting together. Grant kept handing her things, and at one point, he accidentally hurt her head, she burst into tears, and grabbed onto him, laying her little head on his shoulder hugging him, while he hugged her back and patted her back. It was one of the cutest moments I have ever seen! They even kissed and hugged good-bye, too cute!
We were off to a great start back home, for the almost 2 hour drive. Then....we had to stop for gas, and the shit hit the fan! The three of them had fallen asleep within a mile of our leaving. Doug decided to go outside the city a little ways, and before we hit the free-way he stopped for gas. BIG MISTAKE! The bright lights and stopping motion woke Grant up, who screamed and cried, then Rogan woke up from Grant crying and started crying uncontrollably, then Laila was next in line, who woke up and started screaming that they were "ANNOYING ME!" It was a symphony of screams. When we got back on the road, Grant kept screaming for the song "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles, and we had to play it for him to calm him. It worked, temporarily, until the song ended, then he screamed for it again, all the while the other two are sobbing. We played the song again, then again, then Rogan started screaming about that. He had enough, and we had too, but Grant would cry and scream when it ended. We kept telling Rogan to just wait, he is almost asleep, and then we will stop the song, but he wouldn't have it, he kept crying and screaming in protest. Laila would occasionally join in. We had to put an end to the song. Instead I had to hold Grant's hand (while my shoulder and arm went to sleep) until he fell asleep. Finally, about 30 miles away from home, the crying ceased and they were all asleep. I mean, it only lasted like an hour! And we think we are going to drive 12 hours up to Michigan at Christmas without pain? HA!!! Definitely gotta get some ear plugs!
But, despite these incidents, I love them fiercely. They are such good kids really, and are so loving. I enjoy my days here with them, even if I do get a little frazzled at times. We have a lot of fun together, and we learn a great deal from each other every day. I wouldn't miss these precious moments with them for the world, even though it is a lot of work.
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