Friday, March 6, 2009
Don't show the weakness.
I made an observation today. I was feeling less than physically great, but I didn't let it show. My kids were fine, just the norm for them. However, I started slipping up and laying down, letting the body take over for a bit, and they were pains. I mean they were yelling at each other, not listening at all to reason, and just reacting to it. As soon as I got up and made dinner, and just ignored the physical nature, it was back to normal. So, I can't let the weakness show, they just don't accept it.
Getting back in touch
Last week I got back in touch with a cousin of mine. I haven't talked to him in about 14 years. I missed him greatly over the years, and wondered where he was, and what he was doing. There was some weirdness in the family, and no one has heard from him.
The last I heard, was a rumor that my Grandma was spreading. She exaggerated some information she heard. She is famous for that. She told me that he sold everything he owned and moved to a Buddhist colony in Kalamazoo, to be a monk, and then his wife left him. I thought, that it was pretty cool, (except the wife leaving him part).
I have wanted to find out the details for years.
I only have a few first cousins, he is one of three. I always felt connected to him because I was born on his 8th birthday, and he always treated me like I was his very own present. It is quite astonishing as to how much alike we are. Even though I haven't seen him or been around him even in teenage years, I am more like him than anyone in my family.
He is big into writing poetry, one of my passions for years (although I haven't done it in a while). We have been sharing poems back and forth and critiquing each other. It is re-sparking that passion that lays deep within me.
I am thankful for Facebook. It has gotten me back in touch with good friends and loved ones that I have been missing. Something that would have been damn near impossible a few years ago.
The last I heard, was a rumor that my Grandma was spreading. She exaggerated some information she heard. She is famous for that. She told me that he sold everything he owned and moved to a Buddhist colony in Kalamazoo, to be a monk, and then his wife left him. I thought, that it was pretty cool, (except the wife leaving him part).
I have wanted to find out the details for years.
I only have a few first cousins, he is one of three. I always felt connected to him because I was born on his 8th birthday, and he always treated me like I was his very own present. It is quite astonishing as to how much alike we are. Even though I haven't seen him or been around him even in teenage years, I am more like him than anyone in my family.
He is big into writing poetry, one of my passions for years (although I haven't done it in a while). We have been sharing poems back and forth and critiquing each other. It is re-sparking that passion that lays deep within me.
I am thankful for Facebook. It has gotten me back in touch with good friends and loved ones that I have been missing. Something that would have been damn near impossible a few years ago.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Interesting how this feels like...
It is amazing how one can live multiple lives within the same body.
As I have been packing things, and selling things, and giving them away, it has felt pretty liberating. I have been thinking a lot about bodily death, not in the sad negative way, but in the renewal, rebirth, cleansing way. I have been going around the house feeling like I am making my will trying to decide who gets what, and where things should go. I have things picked out to give to friends as presents, like my clock that my friend Nima has been after for years. She is getting it this weekend finally. I gave an antique table to a friend here last week, and she was so excited about it. It feels so right to do this, and I am starting to understand how my Grandmother feels when she tries to give us her things before her "big journey." I always tend to get upset with her when she does this, but had resigned to allowing her to give me her treasures, and now I get it. She likes to make people feel special, and to get to watch them enjoy that. It won't matter at all after we pass into the next realm how someone feels about the treasure, it only matters now. Once we pass on, we can't take anything with us except the love. I am getting pretty good at this unattachment thing. I do have some posessions that I am going to store, like pictures and a family heirloom, but the rest of it is going.
I have also been cleaning up some relationships as if it were my last days. Something everyone should do. Releasing negative feelings harbored and replacing them with love.
I heard of a chiropractor a few months back who had a patient who was told he had cancer. He was, of course, an emotional wreck, and he confided in his good doc about it. The chiropractor asked him if there was anything he wanted to do before he died, if that were to happen, and not the "I want to travel here..blah...blah..." The patient told him he had some people in his life that he had estranged relationships with. The doctor told him not to wait, to clear those up, make them right. He said to him, "What if the reason you have cancer is BECAUSE of those bad relationships? What if by making them right, you also make your cancer disappear?" The patient did as asked, and he dramatically improved, his cancer went into remission. He is now living a better, less stressed life, and that is the key.
So, I am purging "things" and negative emotions toward others. How freeing and liberating to be moving on with less baggage and a cleaner slate, starting a new life completely!
As I have been packing things, and selling things, and giving them away, it has felt pretty liberating. I have been thinking a lot about bodily death, not in the sad negative way, but in the renewal, rebirth, cleansing way. I have been going around the house feeling like I am making my will trying to decide who gets what, and where things should go. I have things picked out to give to friends as presents, like my clock that my friend Nima has been after for years. She is getting it this weekend finally. I gave an antique table to a friend here last week, and she was so excited about it. It feels so right to do this, and I am starting to understand how my Grandmother feels when she tries to give us her things before her "big journey." I always tend to get upset with her when she does this, but had resigned to allowing her to give me her treasures, and now I get it. She likes to make people feel special, and to get to watch them enjoy that. It won't matter at all after we pass into the next realm how someone feels about the treasure, it only matters now. Once we pass on, we can't take anything with us except the love. I am getting pretty good at this unattachment thing. I do have some posessions that I am going to store, like pictures and a family heirloom, but the rest of it is going.
I have also been cleaning up some relationships as if it were my last days. Something everyone should do. Releasing negative feelings harbored and replacing them with love.
I heard of a chiropractor a few months back who had a patient who was told he had cancer. He was, of course, an emotional wreck, and he confided in his good doc about it. The chiropractor asked him if there was anything he wanted to do before he died, if that were to happen, and not the "I want to travel here..blah...blah..." The patient told him he had some people in his life that he had estranged relationships with. The doctor told him not to wait, to clear those up, make them right. He said to him, "What if the reason you have cancer is BECAUSE of those bad relationships? What if by making them right, you also make your cancer disappear?" The patient did as asked, and he dramatically improved, his cancer went into remission. He is now living a better, less stressed life, and that is the key.
So, I am purging "things" and negative emotions toward others. How freeing and liberating to be moving on with less baggage and a cleaner slate, starting a new life completely!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Done...
(This one is written for Mike Merva, because I know he still reads my blog, probably the only one. Go figure, us "English Types" No "Farting in my general direction" if you aren't!)
So, what should I be feeling right now about the blatant disregard for my child's birthday by family? Pissed? Understanding? Disappointment? Not giving a shit because the only family that really matters are the ones that reside in the same house as me? I think I am choosing the latter. My husband is choosing the first. Whatever! No one let us pick our families while conscious in this life, and when we chose them before we were born, it was probably just for these types of lessons, not for familial love feelings. Although sometimes I still try to carve out my "ideal" extended family from the fragments that are there in my real family. However, I fall short again and again. Shouldn't be a surprise at this point, but for some reason I really like bloodying my head against the wall. I think I have bloodied my head one too many times and it finally hit me. I am DONE!
I never knew my "rebellious stage" would hit me when I was 30, but here it is! Screw them all, this is our happy life, and I am done trying to please them. We are taking a plane to Portugal, and not coming back! If they want to see the kids, let them come to the coolest place, instead of us coming to their miserable world. I may go as far as visiting friends in the US, and making them drive to our friends. Friends are the family I choose. Like Mike and Lisa who will probably be the only ones to read this post!
So, what should I be feeling right now about the blatant disregard for my child's birthday by family? Pissed? Understanding? Disappointment? Not giving a shit because the only family that really matters are the ones that reside in the same house as me? I think I am choosing the latter. My husband is choosing the first. Whatever! No one let us pick our families while conscious in this life, and when we chose them before we were born, it was probably just for these types of lessons, not for familial love feelings. Although sometimes I still try to carve out my "ideal" extended family from the fragments that are there in my real family. However, I fall short again and again. Shouldn't be a surprise at this point, but for some reason I really like bloodying my head against the wall. I think I have bloodied my head one too many times and it finally hit me. I am DONE!
I never knew my "rebellious stage" would hit me when I was 30, but here it is! Screw them all, this is our happy life, and I am done trying to please them. We are taking a plane to Portugal, and not coming back! If they want to see the kids, let them come to the coolest place, instead of us coming to their miserable world. I may go as far as visiting friends in the US, and making them drive to our friends. Friends are the family I choose. Like Mike and Lisa who will probably be the only ones to read this post!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Big Life Changes Coming.
I have big news, and since I know only a handful of people know this blog site, I can spill the beans here.
We are moving again, probably not a big surprise, since we seem to do this a lot. Let's face it, practice is not going so well here in Greenville, where people would rather go to church and pray rather than be proactive about their health. Doug hasn't got too many skirt-wearing bible-thumpers in his practice, and that is the majority of the people around here in the buckle of the Bible belt. If we were on a different coast, it would probably be a different story. He got offered an amazing job opportunity and a Chiropractic politics opportunity. So, in about a month to two months we will be moving to Lisbon, Portugal to pursue our dreams abroad. Call it a Chiropractic Mission trip if you will. A mission to keep Chiropractic philosphically based in Portugal. This country has about 10 million people and only 20 Chiropractors. To put this in perspective, Greenville has around 200 Chiropractors and about 500,000 people. They are severely understaffed and Chiropractic is in high demand. The Chiropractors there need help to keep Chiropractic straight. Right now Chiropractic is legal there, but not regulated, and Doug will be part of the group that is working to keep Chiropractic what it should be and not allowing hacks to come over.
It is all very exciting. Our friends that we have told have all been so thrilled for us, family...well....that is a different story. Doug's Mom reacted, as we knew she would, and we haven't told his Dad, but we know what his response will be. My Grandma and aunt were concerned, but seemingly accepting since we told them that we "may be back in a few years." My sister seems happy for us, but sad we will be so far. Doug's brother was skeptical, but he always is. Doug's Mom was the hardest to deal with, but I think she is coming to terms with it. At first she just reacted and got angry that we would even think about it, and then she started asking a lot of questions, and by the end of the trip there, she was a little nicer to us. Although I don't know if she is just trying to ignore it, and hope it was all a bad dream or not.
The way we see things, we have been going to where opportunity lies. It hasn't worked out so far, so we need to keep looking and going to where our heart tells us is opportunity. We have wanted to move overseas since we heard how great it was to practice over there, pre-children. Then, life gave us children, and we felt obligated to stay for the family. I think the Universe has been holding us back from everything working out because we were supposed to follow our dreams from the beginning, and not settle like we have tried numerous times. So, Portugal, Here we come!!!!
We are moving again, probably not a big surprise, since we seem to do this a lot. Let's face it, practice is not going so well here in Greenville, where people would rather go to church and pray rather than be proactive about their health. Doug hasn't got too many skirt-wearing bible-thumpers in his practice, and that is the majority of the people around here in the buckle of the Bible belt. If we were on a different coast, it would probably be a different story. He got offered an amazing job opportunity and a Chiropractic politics opportunity. So, in about a month to two months we will be moving to Lisbon, Portugal to pursue our dreams abroad. Call it a Chiropractic Mission trip if you will. A mission to keep Chiropractic philosphically based in Portugal. This country has about 10 million people and only 20 Chiropractors. To put this in perspective, Greenville has around 200 Chiropractors and about 500,000 people. They are severely understaffed and Chiropractic is in high demand. The Chiropractors there need help to keep Chiropractic straight. Right now Chiropractic is legal there, but not regulated, and Doug will be part of the group that is working to keep Chiropractic what it should be and not allowing hacks to come over.
It is all very exciting. Our friends that we have told have all been so thrilled for us, family...well....that is a different story. Doug's Mom reacted, as we knew she would, and we haven't told his Dad, but we know what his response will be. My Grandma and aunt were concerned, but seemingly accepting since we told them that we "may be back in a few years." My sister seems happy for us, but sad we will be so far. Doug's brother was skeptical, but he always is. Doug's Mom was the hardest to deal with, but I think she is coming to terms with it. At first she just reacted and got angry that we would even think about it, and then she started asking a lot of questions, and by the end of the trip there, she was a little nicer to us. Although I don't know if she is just trying to ignore it, and hope it was all a bad dream or not.
The way we see things, we have been going to where opportunity lies. It hasn't worked out so far, so we need to keep looking and going to where our heart tells us is opportunity. We have wanted to move overseas since we heard how great it was to practice over there, pre-children. Then, life gave us children, and we felt obligated to stay for the family. I think the Universe has been holding us back from everything working out because we were supposed to follow our dreams from the beginning, and not settle like we have tried numerous times. So, Portugal, Here we come!!!!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Enter: "The Terrible Twos"
Grant is not quite 2 yet (he will be in January) and already he has adopted that infamous expression, "The Terrible Twos." I was hoping that he would just bypass this all together, as his sister and brother (but mostly sister) gave me more than my share of tantrums and general mischievousness. However, it has hit, and early. The other two waited until about 2 1/2, and it lasted about a year each. Now, they are mostly gems, except when they are fighting with each other over a toy or that dang swing we decided to put up in the backyard (yay for cold weather in that case).
But Grant, well....He is just dang mischievous! I think some days that he is just getting the other two back for whatever they did to him when he was more helpless. He swoops down on them like a bird of prey before I can even react. For example, he was meandering through the living room, putting things in this metal wine bucket I have on the floor for decoration and to put ashes in from the fire place when needed. It is clean right now, and he often plays with it, as the other two did. He sauntered over to where Rogan was sitting ever so casually, and the next thing I know, he throws it at Rogan's back full force. Rogan screams, I jump and don't even know what to do. He just smiles at me when I reprimand him, slap his hand, or put him in a chair for time out. How do you discipline a two year-old? I still haven't figured that one out. Whenever I say "No! No!" or "Naughty" he thinks it is funny and shakes his finger at me saying "NOT-TEEE!" The other day, Doug was leaving and he says, "Bye Bye, NOT-TEE!"
All day long, I got through constant attempts at reprimands after he throws things at each of us like metal water bottles full of water, remotes, pens, books, etc., pulls big wads of hair out of the kids, and me one day, and throws his food on the floor laughing. The worst part is that, the other two seem to encourage him, especially when he throws his food, by laughing. Then they all get in trouble.
It isn't that he isn't getting attention either, because he will do it in the middle of me playing with him, or the others playing with him.
UHHHH!!!! I hope this phase is short-lived. He really is a sweet baby, but this streak is so frustrating!
But Grant, well....He is just dang mischievous! I think some days that he is just getting the other two back for whatever they did to him when he was more helpless. He swoops down on them like a bird of prey before I can even react. For example, he was meandering through the living room, putting things in this metal wine bucket I have on the floor for decoration and to put ashes in from the fire place when needed. It is clean right now, and he often plays with it, as the other two did. He sauntered over to where Rogan was sitting ever so casually, and the next thing I know, he throws it at Rogan's back full force. Rogan screams, I jump and don't even know what to do. He just smiles at me when I reprimand him, slap his hand, or put him in a chair for time out. How do you discipline a two year-old? I still haven't figured that one out. Whenever I say "No! No!" or "Naughty" he thinks it is funny and shakes his finger at me saying "NOT-TEEE!" The other day, Doug was leaving and he says, "Bye Bye, NOT-TEE!"
All day long, I got through constant attempts at reprimands after he throws things at each of us like metal water bottles full of water, remotes, pens, books, etc., pulls big wads of hair out of the kids, and me one day, and throws his food on the floor laughing. The worst part is that, the other two seem to encourage him, especially when he throws his food, by laughing. Then they all get in trouble.
It isn't that he isn't getting attention either, because he will do it in the middle of me playing with him, or the others playing with him.
UHHHH!!!! I hope this phase is short-lived. He really is a sweet baby, but this streak is so frustrating!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Ahhh, One holiday down!
Today just concluded the Thanksgiving Holiday weekend for us. We have a well-stocked fridge now, thanks to Dekalb Farmer's Market. (Sorry we didn't see any of you Atlanta natives today. We knew traffic would be crazy!) We risked the drive down to Atlanta and back because we needed food and cheap, and gas prices are amazing right now! It was definitely worth the multiple traffic jams. We had to see at least 7 accidents, luckily nothing major. We have so much food in the house right now, not even close to what we would get at Wholefoods for the price!
Our Thanksgiving was very fun here. Mallory and Eric came for a few days, and Tracy (Doug's step-sister) and Todd came for the day, and our friend Meg. Sometimes, I don't know how I pull it all off. The dinner was amazing and served at a decent time. I have the holiday menu down pretty well, so it was little stress. The food was awesome, and the best part, we had plenty of leftovers for that night and all the next day. In fact I was just finishing off the stuffing tonight, yum!
We sent a plate of food to Meg's Dad, and he didn't miss his turkey a bit, even though he was craving it beforehand. Tracy and Todd didn't either, and Todd had plenty of gluten-free things to chow so that he didn't have to hardly eat a few things he brought to supplement. Even their dog, Smokey, was well satisfied.
Friends, family, games, yummy food, and lots of laughter (and LOTS of beer guzzling!) What more could we have asked for?!
Our Thanksgiving was very fun here. Mallory and Eric came for a few days, and Tracy (Doug's step-sister) and Todd came for the day, and our friend Meg. Sometimes, I don't know how I pull it all off. The dinner was amazing and served at a decent time. I have the holiday menu down pretty well, so it was little stress. The food was awesome, and the best part, we had plenty of leftovers for that night and all the next day. In fact I was just finishing off the stuffing tonight, yum!
We sent a plate of food to Meg's Dad, and he didn't miss his turkey a bit, even though he was craving it beforehand. Tracy and Todd didn't either, and Todd had plenty of gluten-free things to chow so that he didn't have to hardly eat a few things he brought to supplement. Even their dog, Smokey, was well satisfied.
Friends, family, games, yummy food, and lots of laughter (and LOTS of beer guzzling!) What more could we have asked for?!
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